The most depressing moment of my adult life (?)

There may not be a more depressing moment in my adult life than right now.  And it's all been caused by Facebook.

Today, alone (not to mention the past week or so), my feed was filled with posts that

• Bashed my local school district,
• Explained both how the pandemic is worse than ever AND suggested our government has given up on controlling it, and
• Applauded the appointment of Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court,

Admittedly, all of these issues dig into my core, the very essence of who I am.

First, I am both an educator and a scientist.  I conduct research on education.  I have experience and expertise, both of which don't matter at all right now.  Our education system has been hijacked by parents (and politicians, but that's a different post), who think they know better than educators.  

There is nothing normal about the time in which we live.  Not only are teachers being asked to do something they have not been trained to do (like teach, simultaneously, via laptop and in person), they are being asked to do something that cognitively, humans must develop the capacity to do.  It's exhausting, to say the least.

I know it is difficult, but there is so much more behind the decisions to bring kids back to school and to extend the school day than "how many hours are they in contact with a teacher and how many hours in the building."  Being in the building right now means being socially distanced.  Not all schools can manage that with space.  Not all schools have the staff (money) to hire more teachers to make this work.  Also, more hours doesn't mean more learning if it's not done right. And now, it's not being done right.  No one has been trained to teach under these conditions.  It's different.  It's hard.  And it's not that educators don't want to.  It's that the conditions make it impossible.

My life over the past few weeks has been talking to school administrators who, literally, are the most hated people in the world, it seems.  They are trained educators and trained managers, but as one admin said to me recently, "I can deal with all of the problems in education; the extreme crisis management that represents right now... I'm ready to leave." 

They are ready to leave - our best teachers and admins are ready to leave.  And why?  In part, it's Facebook.  And email.  I can't forget the ire that is coming into the inbox.

The vitriol against our administrators (and teachers), who are simply trying to do the best they can in a ridiculous situation, is weighing on me.  

Every parent who writes to complain on social media or directly to their local administrator right now is only thinking about their own children, their own situation.  Believe me, I see a vast array of what is happening in schools, and in every situation, they are doing the best they can.  Is it great?  Probably not, but there is nothing schools can do right now that will be great.  There is nothing they can do to offer "what was before."  It simply doesn't exist, yet they take heat Every. Single. Day. for not doing enough.

Keep it up, parents, and we won't have any great admins and teachers left.  They are leaving in droves, ready to take no pay, no job, no hope over the constant attacks.  I don't blame them.  I wish that parents would stop comparing (this district manages it, so we should be able to as well).  I wish that we had the resources to provide adequate education and child care so that parents didn't have to worry.  I wish that we weren't living in a time of a pandemic.

This isn't easy on any of us.  It's a pandemic.  It's something we have not experienced before.  People are sick and dying, and even if we are lucky, in a place where the rate of infection is low because we have sacrificed, it does not mean it is over. If we are in a place where infection is high, we know this.

It's hard, then, to see that some leadership has given up and that those leaders who have not given up are labeled as... [insert your choice of bad name here].  Point number two in my depressing moment, then, is that we are all suffering, and I am an empath, feeling the suffering of my friends and family - and everyone else - deeply, even as I navigate my own suffering.  We are not living in normal, and it hurts.  Normal may never exist again in the way that we know it.  I could wax on about how this is a time for invention and re-invention, but honestly, it's just depressing.  I'm gonna own that for this night.

So owning the fact that the world we live in is depressing is pretty big. But honestly, the thing that puts me over the edge is people applauding the appointment of Amy Coney Barrett (point 3).  Some of this applause is about winning (see the tweet wishing Hillary Clinton a happy birthday, seriously?).  Some of it is about lauding, "a woman we can finally look up to" (my Facebook feed).  Seriously?

I've already written my feelings on the injustices against women in today's world.  To have both men and women applaud this appointment as a guide for the role of women in our country is heartbreaking.  But the fact that bullies always seem to win is hard for a person who was bullied relentlessly.  How is it ok to have different standards, just so your side can win?  (We would call this cheating in sports, or even on game night.). How is it ok to throw the fact that you cheated and won back in the loser's face?  I'm torn, in this situation, between feeling the bullied side of my personality with the feminist side.  It's overpowering - and depressing.

For the record, I'm actually grateful that Barrett has achieved what she has.  It does signal some progress.  But the fact that a female with her qualifications can only earn the respect of White men because her past indicates she will be complacent in stripping women's rights is something to question, not to praise, especially in the manner in which it was achieved.

So yea, depressing.  We are a week away from what some have said is the most important election in our lifetime.  Four years ago, I knew what was going to happen.  I wrote about my sadness at the direction of our country.  Now, I am sad about the direction of the world.  We were (and are) a leader, and we are leading in a direction that is not inclusive and not great for women.  For educators.  For scientists.

I am all of these.  I hope I will have a better outlook two weeks from now.  But my Facebook feed is not helping me get there.