Let's talk about Sex Ed

 Let me start by saying that I am writing this with two biases:

(1) I believe that our society as a whole flourishes if everyone does better because the bottom floor on which all people stand is higher. (And I also believe this is not in direct opposition to capitalism and is not a complete embrace of socialism.) I may have learned this playing Prisoner's Dilemma in school a long time ago, or perhaps it's because I and my immediate family has experience across socio-economic classes. Regardless, this belief has shaped my view of public education.  We need to educate for everyone in order to build a society that flourishes.

(2) I believe that adults should talk to children in age-appropriate ways about real things.  I do not think we need to hide things or "dumb it down" for kids.  This belief has shaped my view as both a parent and a teacher.

If you have particularly strong feelings against either of these beliefs, you probably don't want to read on.  However, I encourage you to do so with an open mind for someone else's perspective.

As often is the case, my musings are prompted by a somewhat vitriolic exchange on the local parents page about our school system. This time it is about the new "health curriculum." 

I'm going to begin my response to this "debate" (I consider debates to be arguments based in fact, and this one... spoiler alert... is not.) by defining a few educational terms for parents.

1. Standard - the stated outcome, or what we want our students to be able to know or demonstrate.
2. Curriculum - how we get to the outcome, or what schools design with goals and loose plans for achieving them.
3. Lessons - what happens on a daily basis in classrooms, designed by teachers, based on curriculum that is aligned to (or aspires to meet) the standards.

So basically, in education we have stated outcomes that we are trying to meet, and these are set by states and professional organizations.  And it's up to local school districts on how they meet those outcomes. (Disclaimer - this is how it works in NJ and other states that allow for local control.  There are states that have statewide curricula, but that is not the argument I am addressing here.)

To be clear...

Standards DO NOT equal curriculum.

The recent brouhaha on the local parents page, however, has conflated the two.  The argument (again, using that term loosely, as arguments, defined by Toulmin, are based in evidence, or facts) is over the updated New Jersey Student Learning Standards in Health and Physical Education.  Apparently, there are several conversations across groups happening about this topic.  The one I read fully was prompted by a pushback on standards like

By the end of 2nd grade, students will be able to:

• List medically accurate names for body parts, including the genitals.

• Define reproduction.

• Discuss the range of ways people express their gender and how gender-role stereotypes may limit behavior. 

By the end of 5th grade, students will be able to:

• Explain common human sexual development and the role of hormones (e.g., romantic and sexual feelings, masturbation, mood swings, timing of pubertal onset).

• Explain the range of ways pregnancy can occur (e.g. IVF, surrogacy)

By the end of 8th grade students will be able to:

• Define vaginal, oral, and anal sex.

• Identify the state and federal laws related to minors' access to sexual healthcare services, including pregnancy and STIs/HIV prevention, testing, care, and treatment.

• Advocate for school and community policies and programs that promote dignity and respect for people of all genders, gender expressions, gender identities, and sexual orientations.

 By the end of 12th grade, students will be able to:

• Describe the human sexual response cycle, including the role of hormones and pleasure.

These standards are just a few in the document I linked above, but they are the ones chosen by the poster to inspire parents to sign a petition.  I'm still not quite sure what that petition is intended to do.

In over 225 comments on this post, parents had strong feelings on both sides of the issue.  Some felt that parents should be the ones to discuss these issues, at home with their children.  Others felt that they were, in fact, discussing these issues at the ages identified (or earlier) and applauded the state standards so that they could be sure other parents were doing the same. However, what I saw prominently in this discussion was a leap from "standard" to "curriculum" and "lessons."  Comments about porn and other inappropriate material that would undoubtedly enter the classroom dominated the discussion from those that opposed.  Pushback from parents who supported the standards was often focused on age-appropriateness of language in the classroom.

As an educator and parent with the stated biases above, here's what I see.

First, the standards that are being questioned are just an excerpt of the larger document, which includes emotional health as well as physical health. We have learned over time that physical health MUST be addressed in schools, and even more recently, we know that mental health must be addressed too.  States mandate for ALL schools to try to provide an equal baseline.  Not all students have parents that are equipped to teach or to provide perspectives from outside their families. My philosophy is that just because YOU are equipped doesn't mean the child next door is.  Don't you want your son/daughter to encounter others who have the same basic knowledge as your child?

So the argument that this is a parent's purview doesn't hold for me because not all parents are able/willing to teach it.  And our society is better off with a common understanding of how the reproductive anatomy works.  It's also better off accepting that my view of sex isn't everyone's view of sex.  And the view of sex can relate to pleasure, pain, and everything in between.  Without going into details, schools can normalize what every child is experiencing in their own bodies and in their own homes.  We can provide a baseline for everyone in our society - everyone that my children (or yours) will encounter.

I DO support parents opting out.  Which is absolutely possible in NJ.  I wouldn't do it.  Instead, I'd talk with my child about what they are learning in school.  I'd fill in what I know, what I see as gaps, and the morals I want them to follow.  I literally do this in other curricula. It's my job as a parent.

Second, the standards, for the most part, expect students to define terms that are commonly used in our society - by media, by Internet, by parents, by older siblings, by peers. Defining reproduction and sex-based anatomy is part of life, the basics of science. Understanding gender identity is part of life, the basics of living (and also science).  Having an understanding of the terminology and an appreciation for differences is basic education.  The standards call for nothing more than that. No porn. No enacting.  Just definition and explanation of terms (and as they get older, the opportunity to advocate for themselves and others). 

I DO support students understanding their peers and the range of sexualities and genders they will encounter.  This education starts at an early age, preferably by parents.

For second graders to 

• List medically accurate names for body parts, including the genitals.
• Define reproduction.
• Discuss the range of ways people express their gender and how gender-role stereotypes may limit behavior.

Yea, my kids did this in preschool (I hope).  This is age appropriate in today's society.

For 5th graders to

• Explain common human sexual development and the role of hormones (e.g., romantic and sexual feelings, masturbation, mood swings, timing of pubertal onset).
• Explain the range of ways pregnancy can occur (e.g. IVF, surrogacy)

Yea, this is important, especially for my kids, who are mood swinging like crazy and who were not conceived "naturally."  It's important for them to know that it's normal for pregnancies (and life) to occur in many ways.  It's also important, for the record, that as they enter puberty, that they know that they are about to change physically and have feelings that are not uncommon.  Also, it's great that my local school prompted conversations between me and my kids about this by sending home the video they planned to show and allowing me to discuss with them ahead of time or opt them out (BTW, this is curriculum/lessons that are designed to allow parent input on these topics). It gave an opening that allowed conversation to flow naturally.

I would go on, but basically, I think the state is asking schools to make sure all students know what these terms mean and how to make sound decisions. In a few areas, I think NJ is hoping schools will help students advocate for their peers or themselves to live in a more accepting world.

If only the parents' page represented that more accepting world.

I'm kind of lucky as a twin mama here.  In the early years, my husband and I barely held it together. We had a baby boy and a baby girl who saw each other naked regularly from birth.  As tired, dual working parents, we couldn't keep them out of our bedroom or bathroom when we changed or showered all of the time. Differences between genders were normalized early on (kind of like in Europe), and obviously questions arose.  We answered them. We used anatomically correct language, and we used age-appropriate explanations always.  I will never forget when my daughter asked me in the car "where babies come from."  I stumbled, not because I didn't want to explain the anatomical answer, but because I knew the anatomical answer wasn't the only answer. I didn't want her EVER to feel like she was "less than" because she was conceived by IVF. I'm glad that NJ mentions it in the 66 page document about health and physical education. It means my kids matter - that I matter.

There are so many realities in physical and gender identities. What schools are mandated to do is to educate a mass public that represent all those realities.  States dictate standards. Schools take in those standards, respond to their local communities through curriculum development, and teachers enact lessons that meet the needs of the individual students in their classrooms. Let's be a little more nuanced in our understanding of this process and a lot more civil in our discussion of it.  I'm pretty sure that understanding what terms mean will only enhance our children's response when they encounter it in real life. It's not going to lead them into any activity that their family dynamic is not also encouraging.