Summer of Paradoxes

 It was the summer I broke free of work.

                    It was the summer I drowned in work.

It was the summer I grew closer to my kids.

                    It was the summer my kids took one step further away from me.

It was the summer of giving.

                    It was the summer of being selfish.

It was the longest summer.

                    It was the summer that flew by.

For most people in New Jersey, summer begins Memorial Day weekend when they head "down the shore." Our family is not a shore family, but we do mark the weekend as the unofficial start of summer. After Memorial Day, school settles down to a trickle - no sports or activities, few assignments left, the smell of summer wafting through open windows in buildings without air conditioning - and work is a little less intense than during the academic year. This year Memorial Day weekend was a four-day weekend because we did not use all of our snow days, and with only four full days of school left after it, we definitely marked it as the official start of summer.

Today was the official start of the school year - twin juniors now! - and we've (I've) packed a lot into the last three months of the summer of paradoxes:

• 79 days off school (for the kids)
• Three weekend trips out of state to visit colleges
• Two work conferences
• Eight airplane rides
• Two completed publications
• Drafts of three more pubs started
• Nine days serving with the Appalachia Service Project
• The "last" family trip to Disney (where everyone cracked duck jokes the entire time)
• The likely "last" trip to Camp Johnsonburg
• Six birthdays (all of us plus two grandparents)
• Two new driving permits
• One anniversary (24 years!)
• Many performances, baseball games, soccer practices, and friend hangouts
• Three separate trips to see Barbie (My hubby has yet to see it, but my dad jumped on board.)
• And... all the other things packed into three months of summer work and play.

Phew. I'm tired just making this list, which explains my exhaustion this summer. Not only were the days and weeks packed, but for the first time since I started college, I spent two weeks away from my computer. One of those weeks I was completely off the grid repairing homes in Appalachia, and the other I was on vacation with my family, where I chose to leave the computer behind.

I could not do work. I chose not to do work. I chose a summer with my kids.

And it was pretty stressful and wonderful all at the same time. The paradox lived inside my brain - knowing how good it was for me to step away from the sprint I have been doing at work for 6-years straight and focus on my relationships at home while at the same time knowing that the work needed to be done, that deadlines wouldn't change, and that somehow I had to accomplish more than I have ever had to do. My administrative duties have increased; my work with students and inservice teachers is important; and I have a lot of research and writing invitations to attend to. The situation wasn't helped when I came back from two weeks away to a resignation that meant I had to shoulder an even bigger load.

All this to say - it's been a summer that has pulled me emotionally in two different directions. Now that I'm on the other side of it, with the kids back at school, bringing home a new year's worth of angst, excitement, over-booked schedules, and the overall stress of being teenagers in high school (and new drivers!), I can honestly say it was the best summer with my kids. We grew closer, even as they grew up, and I wouldn't trade the crazy schedule for less of a to-do list now.

Tonight I danced with my daughter, an invitation she offered as she played my favorite song, "Magic." The moment was magic, dancing with my 16-year-old, not caring what we looked like. This summer was magic. And "I've got the magic in me" to reconcile the paradoxes I've lived with these past few months as we head into the next phase of Twinlife, where college decisions, SAT prep, and learning drive will certainly bring new challenges.