Crossing the Finish Line
My kids’ birthday in August has always nicely aligned with the back-to-school season. Their yearly photo books not only represent their age, but also their grade. As an educator myself, life has always run on an August to July calendar, rather than a January to December one, so I guess the universe was helping me out a bit… because keeping TwinLife in organizational stability all of these years was no easy feat.
This alignment means that my kids turned 18 just as they are also heading off to college. Within three weeks we will have had a celebration - and two goodbyes. Getting them ready to go off to college has been intense. I have lists, lots of lists. I have saved posts from other parents who have advice - which has made me change my lists. I have over-prepared and underplanned. Even though I work in a university, learning the ins and outs of two other institutions has been daunting. While I am trying to focus on my own job, I’m also trying to keep track of all the things for each of them. The other day I said to my son, “I don’t remember which of you needs this, but I know one of you does.” He said, “I don’t know if it’s me.” It’s an overwhelming task to be the psychological parent right now.
As the things have piled up in our living room, I’ve slowly checked off the lists, asked ChatGPT to reorganize the lists, reprinted the lists, and realized the lists are incomplete. Finally, I surveyed my daughter’s pile, which is now ready to pack into the car.
My brain, consumed for the last few weeks of making sure she had what she needed (but not too much), breathed a sigh of relief - until I remembered that I have to do this all over again this weekend to prep my son. His pile is currently in disarray on the living room floor, waiting for me to learn from my daughter’s move-in. The good news is that I do get a second chance this year. The bad news is that this is the only chance I get. For 18 years it’s always been “live in the now and enjoy it - because you are only doing this parenting thing once at each stage!” We are now closing the high school stage. We have crossed the line to adulthood. I joked with my husband on their birthday that we had crossed the finish line of childhood and were turning to the next chapter. But crossing the threshold to 18 is actually no joke. Leading up to the big day I had to make another list, one that didn’t have anything to do with the mountain of stuff collecting in my living room. I called it the “adulting” list. I knew on their birthday I would lose access to their lives, and they would need to take responsibility for their MyChart, their finances, and even their Amazon Prime account. I also knew they were not ready for me to lose access to most of the things that I added to the adulting list. Though they are both responsible and ready to launch, they are still my kiddos. And in some ways, I’m still their Mama. I will always be their Mom. I’m just stepping back and letting them see where they fly. Tonight is the last night the four of us will spend in our house together for quite a while. It’s not the first time it has happened, but it is the start of a new era, where we will spend less nights together than we do apart. Coming to the finish line of TwinLife childhood is a lot. And, to be honest, I haven’t even begun to feel all the emotions of it all. That will come later, I’m sure, and it will mark the fact that the finish line has really been crossed.
My brain, consumed for the last few weeks of making sure she had what she needed (but not too much), breathed a sigh of relief - until I remembered that I have to do this all over again this weekend to prep my son. His pile is currently in disarray on the living room floor, waiting for me to learn from my daughter’s move-in. The good news is that I do get a second chance this year. The bad news is that this is the only chance I get. For 18 years it’s always been “live in the now and enjoy it - because you are only doing this parenting thing once at each stage!” We are now closing the high school stage. We have crossed the line to adulthood. I joked with my husband on their birthday that we had crossed the finish line of childhood and were turning to the next chapter. But crossing the threshold to 18 is actually no joke. Leading up to the big day I had to make another list, one that didn’t have anything to do with the mountain of stuff collecting in my living room. I called it the “adulting” list. I knew on their birthday I would lose access to their lives, and they would need to take responsibility for their MyChart, their finances, and even their Amazon Prime account. I also knew they were not ready for me to lose access to most of the things that I added to the adulting list. Though they are both responsible and ready to launch, they are still my kiddos. And in some ways, I’m still their Mama. I will always be their Mom. I’m just stepping back and letting them see where they fly. Tonight is the last night the four of us will spend in our house together for quite a while. It’s not the first time it has happened, but it is the start of a new era, where we will spend less nights together than we do apart. Coming to the finish line of TwinLife childhood is a lot. And, to be honest, I haven’t even begun to feel all the emotions of it all. That will come later, I’m sure, and it will mark the fact that the finish line has really been crossed.
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