Wednesday, November 9, 2016

A Tough Day

I just created a playlist called "Keep from Crying." I'm trying to keep the tears in as I sit on the train. I'm trying to figure out how I make it through the day, go to meetings, teach, without losing it. I know my colleagues in K-12 are already struggling in front of their students this morning.

What do we say to the children?

I lay awake last night trying to figure out what I would say to my own kids. I knew they would be worried about their friends who had already expressed fears about what a Trump win would mean for their families. This video expresses my angst as a parent more eloquently than I can.

I told my children that there would be many people today who would be scared about the results of this election. I told them that it was our job to let them know we love them, we want them to be part of our lives, and we will stand up for them. It's our job to spread love.

And now every time I think about the fact that I have to coach my children to be advocates for love, I lose it. I wanted them to live in a world where love for all was the norm, not a position of advocacy.

The playlist isn't working very well.

To my Hispanic, Muslim, Black, LGBT, female and otherwise marginalized friends, I'm with you. To Hillary, I'm sorry. Your strength and poise is an inspiration, and you did not deserve to feel the brunt of our ignorance. I will find it within me to live up to your example.

Monday, November 7, 2016

Crying on the train

The white men on my train don't get it. If they noticed me, they saw a woman who was crying, but I know they don't get it.

A while back I posted my depression about this election, and I was bolstered by the response to that post.  I learned I was not alone.

But I continue to read the vitriol against the most qualified candidate we have ever had,  equating her with perhaps the most self-serving, openly prejudiced candidate to walk the halls of democracy. I do not understand how people equate them, how it has become the "lesser of two evils." I do not understand living through hate and fear rather than love and compassion.

I cry because people cannot see that this is not a normal election. I cry because I know the outcome tomorrow, regardless of winner, is a loss for women, for all.

I cry because my children live in a world where hate is acceptable.

I've told my children that I understand how people can't vote against their party.  I understand a difference in opinion on economics, on environmental preservation, and even on personal liberties. It's ok to have different beliefs and to argue about them, but that I do not understand how people can vote for hate.

I've told my mom that I've lost before when it mattered, and yet I never felt like this.

I told my husband that this election will make my world smaller, and it will.

I've told my brother that this election has ruined me.

I've told the people closest to me that tomorrow will not be an end, regardless of the outcome.  And this is why I'm crying on the train, unwanted tears streaming down my face as I try to contemplate where to go from here, from tomorrow, from this moment in our history.

I'm not writing this post to convince anyone to vote in a particular way.  I continue to, as I always have, to write when emotion demands it.  I'm hoping that some of my readers will know they are not alone in their feelings tonight.  Or tomorrow.  Or the day after.

I'm hoping that my smaller world can can brave it together and that my children can live in a world of love and acceptance, regardless of the politics that surround us.