The white men on my train don't get it. If they noticed me, they saw a woman who was crying, but I know they don't get it.
A while back I posted my depression about this election, and I was bolstered by the response to that post. I learned I was not alone.
But I continue to read the vitriol against the most qualified candidate we have ever had, equating her with perhaps the most self-serving, openly prejudiced candidate to walk the halls of democracy. I do not understand how people equate them, how it has become the "lesser of two evils." I do not understand living through hate and fear rather than love and compassion.
I cry because people cannot see that this is not a normal election. I cry because I know the outcome tomorrow, regardless of winner, is a loss for women, for all.
I cry because my children live in a world where hate is acceptable.
I've told my children that I understand how people can't vote against their party. I understand a difference in opinion on economics, on environmental preservation, and even on personal liberties. It's ok to have different beliefs and to argue about them, but that I do not understand how people can vote for hate.
I've told my mom that I've lost before when it mattered, and yet I never felt like this.
I told my husband that this election will make my world smaller, and it will.
I've told my brother that this election has ruined me.
I've told the people closest to me that tomorrow will not be an end, regardless of the outcome. And this is why I'm crying on the train, unwanted tears streaming down my face as I try to contemplate where to go from here, from tomorrow, from this moment in our history.
I'm not writing this post to convince anyone to vote in a particular way. I continue to, as I always have, to write when emotion demands it. I'm hoping that some of my readers will know they are not alone in their feelings tonight. Or tomorrow. Or the day after.
I'm hoping that my smaller world can can brave it together and that my children can live in a world of love and acceptance, regardless of the politics that surround us.