Handling it All

Volunteering is important to me.  I am blessed in life, and I want to share my time and talents with my community.  Though I raise my hand when I am able for many smaller jobs, especially for our local school district, there are three organizations I support in a big way on an annual basis: rec basketball, the senior resource center, and my church.  My volunteering life for these organizations explodes in December - right about the time my professional and personal life also explode.  

This year, as I approached the first weekend in December, I explained to my friend and colleague my hectic schedule.  That weekend alone I had to

• Decorate trees for a silent auction at the annual tree festival to support the Senior Resource Center;
• Help to run a full-day evaluation for rec basketball and then coordinate teams; 
• Organize and run pageant rehearsal for close to 50 children;
• Help both my children prepare for their TREP$ projects and fair that following Monday; and
• Start interviewing for a new babysitter.

"Pageant?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.  

"I'm the director," I responded.

"Of course you are," she said.  "I don't know how you do it all.  You're like the opposite of Lean In.  Maybe you need to write the anti-Lean In book."

I told her I didn't have time to write a book, but I'd write a blog post.  It's taken me a month to find the time and energy to do it.  And that, in and of itself, is my first tip in handling it all...

Prioritize

My house is rarely tidy.  It's clean (I have someone to help me with that), but it's a mess.  Piles move from the kitchen to the dining room.  At some point I clean the dining room in order to make room for the piles in the kitchen.  My bedroom floor may resemble a hoarder's.  And my home office?  Forget it.  My best friend and roommate from college bought me this sign a few years ago.  She knows me - and loves me despite the mess she endured for three years.  I showcase it with pride.  

My house is a mess, and I don't worry what my extended family, friends, or even husband think about it.  I learned as a child to "pick up the house" if someone is coming over.  Today I follow that rule (mostly), and I choose to ignore the one room where the mess lives while we have visitors.  And if someone doesn't like the fact that my house is messy, I choose to ignore their critiques.  :)

This is all to say that I have to set priorities.  Juggling an intense job with house management and childrearing for children who are going in different directions seven days a week requires more hours in a week than exist in our time/space continuum.  My priorities are often set by work deadlines and my children's needs.  But sometimes, I let my personal needs drive my choices.  Like volunteering.  I enjoy it, but I also want to be connected to my community, to help others, and to use some of my never-used talents (like directing, tree-decorating, or shooting three-pointers).

It also means that sometimes I can't do the things I want to do (like write a blog post in response to my friend or dig into the professional article that has been sitting on my desk for 6 months).  My needs and desires, both professionally and personally, don't always get met.  I sacrifice - sometimes for my own benefit and sometimes because others in my life need me more than I do.

My second (and final) tip in handling it all is to...

Ask for Help

I learned at a young age to be independent.  I lived in the country with no child neighbors to play, and my only sibling is five years my junior - which is great today but less great when he was a baby and I needed a playmate.  Some early encounters with "mean kids" taught me to rely on myself, and somehow I convinced myself that asking for - or even accepting - help was a weakness.

It took an unexpected demand from my obstetrician - BEDREST - for me to learn that accepting help when you need it is a good thing.  It took being the mother of infant twins to know that it's actually ok to ask for help when you need it too.

In both my personal and professional life, I've come to see myself as a project manager.  I do a lot of things on my own,  but I also delegate when appropriate and ask for help when I need it.  And if someone offers to help in some way???  I don't say no.  

When I was on bedrest, reading everything I could about twins, I noted the advice to make a list of chores that needed doing.  When someone asked if they could help, I wouldn't have to think.  I would know what I could delegate immediately from the list.  I keep a similar list today.

My to-do list is sorted into three parts:

• Things I can easily delegate
• Things I can delegate with minimal training
• Things I absolutely can't delegate

Things I can't delegate, obviously, are of top priority for me, though deadlines influence when they actually get done.  Whether the others stay on MY to-do list or move to someone else's depends on whether (a) I can do them quickly and feel the satisfaction of getting something done, or (b) whether I enjoy doing them myself (see my personal needs in priorities above).

So how do I handle it all?

The simple answer is, I don't.  But I handle a lot by setting priorities and asking for/accepting help when I need it.  And above all I feed my soul so that I have the energy to do more for my job, my family and my community.